i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
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Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.