I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I deserve this hangover.
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