I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.