just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?