i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
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I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?