Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
