There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick