I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
