She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough