lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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