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I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
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