I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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