so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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