You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.