she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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