I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
