there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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