Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building