Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities