I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.