Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother