why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
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just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship