It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..