did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.