I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.