i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
