The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
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You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.