I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine