He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.