Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas