So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....