Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.