I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.