All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD