I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it because I queefed?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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