From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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