Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Piņatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?