She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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