I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms