No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
