I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G