I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
