That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT