Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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