rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think my moral compass just broke
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