Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
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Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.