I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?