You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin