Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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