Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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