the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
