two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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