Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance