the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
