I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
