I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.