I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.