You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason