Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
