i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
